Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
