just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Randomize
