After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
