Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
