We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
