So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
