That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
