yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
