u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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