I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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