Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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