I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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