Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
