if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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