You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Randomize
