The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
