I'm so fucking centered right now
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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