Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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