i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
