I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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