I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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