DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
there was a trapeze. enough said
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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