I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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