I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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