i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
