just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
