thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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