i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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