that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
