We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
wow bdsm is so cute
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