I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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