two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
