So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Randomize
