I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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