Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
