Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
