Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
