I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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