What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
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