I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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