She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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