The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
