Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
