Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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