How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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