I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Too much gin, very little bucket
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
