Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
