I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
