Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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