Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
